Like Father, Like Son
by kazumigirl
Summary: Things were going great for Robin afther the mission in Tokyo, especially when Starfire became his girlfriend. However, when a villain plants marijuana in his belt, Robin gets into deep trouble...with Batman! Who's coming to live with him and the titans!
1. He's on drugs!

Chapter One

"It wasn't me!" Robin said sullenly, sinking down into the couch cushions, "the criminal we caught at the bank must have planted it on me when we wrestled to the ground."

"I know teenagers like the back of my hand," the voice on the on the other line spoke, "and experimenting with _illegal_ drugs is not uncommon among the youth these days."

"Listen," Robin sighed, "I'm a crime fighter; I don't do drugs!!!!"

"My mind is made up," the voice responded sternly, "I'm coming to live with you and your friends; you obviously weren't quite old enough to be out on your own just yet."

Before Robin could speak, the dial tone kicked in and he tossed the cell phone across the room. It hit Starfire, who was just walking in with a plate of Smores-her way (mostly peanut butter, pickles, mustard, and melted chicken cubes on saltine crackers). She set the plate down and rubbed her head, giving Robin a funny look.

"Sorry, Star," Robin apologized to his girlfriend, "didn't see you coming."

The alien girl picked the phone and set it on the coffe table too. She then sat down beside her boyfriend (as of two weeks) and held a smore to his face.

"Hungry?" She asked, smiling proudly at her creation.

Robin, b/c he would do practically anything to please her, took one and timidly took a bite. He cringed, set it down, and smiled. Starfire smiled back, eagerly awaiting his approval.

"It's good," the boy lied, "the uh, pickles, really bring out the..._tang_."

Starfire giggled, jumped in Robin's lap, and began gorging on them. She didn't even seem to notice her boyfriend was not joining her, but if she did, she probably didn't mind. It only meant more for her. Robin simply stroked her shiny red hair and let her weight sink into him. It was funny the way had suddenly been unafraid of eachother after their kiss in Tokyo. Before, Robin had been so awkward around her, and though she was more open, Starfire hadn't exactly been a flirt herself. Now, here she was, sitting in his lap eating crackers while he ran his fingers through her hair. When she was finished, she set the plate back down and leaned back on Robin's chest, her head right under his neck.

"Should we begin the cuddling?" She asked, slipping off one of her boots and running her bare toe up his leg.

"I'm sorry, Star," Robin sighed, "but I'm actually a little preoccupied."

"What with?" Starfire sat up, giving him a look of concern.

"A phone call I just finished," Robin looked away briefly before focusing on the lovely alien before him once more, "but you know, it might do me a little good to do something else."

Starfire squealed with delight, jumped up, flew away, returned with a big quilt, covered them both up, and flipped on the television. She kicked off her boots, and much to Robin's moans and groans, ducked down to yank off his steel-toed boots. She also removed his socks, and then played with toes, giggling. They began to watch a strange movie about mutant beef jerky, and half way through it, Robin's phone rang once more. Starfire began to sit up to answer it, but Robin stopped her.

"I have voice mail," he explained.

He felt too good right now to deal with _that_ issue at the moment. By the time the movie was over, Starfire was fast asleep, snoring loudly and drooling on Robin's shoulder. Careful not to wake her, Robin shifted his weight until they were both lying on the couch. He then draped the quilt around them, and fell into a fitful sleep.

"Dude!!!!!!!!!"

It was not easy to stay asleep past ten a.m. in the Titan tower. Robin awoke to have Beastboy shaking the sofa, crouched on top of it, a controller clutched in his hands. Cyborg was on the floor, one of Starfire's legs draped over his shoulder. She was still fast asleep, snoring and drooling. Robin sat up, swiping at Beastboy (who jumped), and glanced at the microwave clock. It was ten after ten.

"Sleep well?" Cyborg asked in an oozy voice, "bunkered down with your girlfriend all night?"

Robin kicked him, and quickly realized his mistake. He was still barefoot, and Cyborg was ninety percent metal. Tears of pain filled his eyes and bit down on his tongue just to keep from screaming. His toes throbbed. Starfire sat up, rubbing her eyes groggily, and then smiled at the TV screen.

"Who is winning?" She asked, excitedly.

"Me!" Beastboy and Cyborg cried at the same time before throwing glares at eachother.

"May I challenge the winner?" Starfire asked, crawling off of the couch.

"Aren't you hungry?" Robin asked, yawning.

"Yes," Beastboy and Cyborg said together once more.

Robin frowned.

"I was talking about Starfire."

"I am hungry, Robin," the girl replied, "shall we stay home and make the pancakes or go the IHOP and purchase the already made pancakes?"

"We're going to IHOP?" Beastboy tossed the controller aside, hitting Raven who was walking into the room.

"_We_ are," Robin replied, gesturing at Starfire, "you can eat tofu or something."

"Dude!" Beastboy stood up, "Aside from the bacon, I love IHOP!!!!! Can I come too?!"

"It would be nice for all of us to go out," Starfire chimed in, slipping on her boots.

Robin didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but he was really hoping for just Starfire to accompanying him. He barely got any time alone with her, and when he did, the others would soon appear out of nowhere to do something. That's what happened when you were a leader, you had followers. He also wanted to discuss the phone call with her. Of course, after the police had found a small bag of marijuana in one of the compartments in his belt, his friends didn't believe it was his for a second. The police, too, knew it had been planted. The caller, however, wasn't so sure, and he was destined to come and stay, no matter what Robin or any of his friends had to say about it. Of course, Robin's friends didn't know about just yet. He hadn't discussed the phone call with them. The boy sighed, defeated, and forced a grin. They were all going to IHOP.

As everyone ran around to get ready, Robin slumped on the couch and stared at his phone on the coffee table. He picked it up, flipped it opened, and was surprised to see he had no messages. As soon as they were all ready, the eagerly bounded for the door, jabbering about what they were going to get. Beastboy swung open the door, screamed, and slammed it shut, blocking it with his body door.

"What's wrong?" Raven asked, cocking an eyebrow.

The door swung open, knocking Beastboy over, and then everyone screamed. Everyone except Robin. He stared up at the figure in the door, tugging at his collar.

"Batman?!" Cyborg exclaimed in disbelief, "_the_ Batman?!"

"Whoa..."Beastboy sat up, "sweet..."

"I've come here to stay with my son, "Batman said in a deep, booming voice. He held up a suitcase, and lightning flashed behind him dramatically. It then began to rain, and the black and gray-clad man stepped in, the door closing behind him.

"Your son?" Raven repeated, staring at the boys.

Beastboy shook his head, Cyborg shook his head, and Robin gulped.

"Hello...Dad..."


	2. Gravy and Masks

**Chapter 2**

**A/N: Just as a head's up, this is a fic written by two authors. Dual credit. The majority of this chapter was written by Meri.**

"Your father is Batman?" Beastboy asked, staring wide-eyed at Robin.

"Beastboy," Raven frowned at him, "Robin said yes the first time, he said yes the second time, he said yes the third time, and I'm pretty sure that after three times, it is obvious that the answer is yes."

Batman set his suitcase on the messy kitchen table, then changed his mind once he realized just how messy it was. The top was littered with magazines, pizza crusts, pizza boxes, coloring book pages, crayons, print-outs of video game cheat codes, old bags of popcorn, grocery lists, coupons, nuts, bolts, screw drivers, and stains of every color and texture. He frowned at Robin, cocking an eyebrow slightly.

"At home we always kept the tabletop clean," he reminded him.

"Father of Robin," Starfire floated over to him, "I must say, what an honor it is to meet you! Robin has grown up to be such a marvelous boy! Handsome too! I am sure that you are equally attractive, under that mask, of course."

Robin cleared his throat awkwardly. He pulled Starfire towards him by her foot and whispered, "Uh, Starfire, he's my _adopted_ father. We don't look alike."

"Oh," Starfire looked at the masked-man who was inspecting the kitchen floor, which still had splatterd orange juice on the floor where Raven and Beastboy had fought over the last few gulps in the carton and failed to clean up.

Batman began to venture further into the kitchen, and stepped on something squishy. It stuck to the bottom of his shoe and he could not get free. As he struggled, something equally gooey dripped from the ceiling onto his head. It was a creamy brown, and slid down the right eye of his mask.

Batman raised a gloved hand to his face and scraped a sample of the drippings onto a pointed index finger. He then put the finger into his mouth. "Gravy?"

Just as Robin began to open his mouth to explain, Silky oozed onto Batman's foot and cooed. Batman grimaced and quickly moved his foot. "We will discuss this mess later. As for now, I will move my belongings into a spare room."

Cyborg stepped forward and held up a hand. "Hold up! The Tower doesn't have any spare rooms."

Batman looked around. "But it's so large."

Cyborg continued to frown sternly. Batman sighed. "Very well." He stared at each of them individually for a few minutes. "You two," he nodded towards Beastboy and Cyborg, "share a room."

"What!?" Beastboy and Cyborg screamed at him simultaneously. Beastboy crossed his arms. "Uh-uh! There is no way that I'm sharing a room with this robot!" He jabbed a thumb in Cyborg's direction.

Cyborg put his hands on his hips. "Do you honestly think that I'm gonna-" Robin cut him off.

"You'd better do what he says, Cyborg." Robin mumbled as he stared at the ground. Cyborg was about to argue further but sighed when Batman's slanted white eyes squinted even more. Batman nodded approvingly and picked up his luggage printed with the Batman signal. "I'll give you two hours to remove your belongings. In the meantime, I'd like to have a word with Robin." He walked off with Robin trailing miserably behind him.

As soon as Batman and Robin were out of sight, everyone began to complain and object at once. Cyborg and Beastboy were ranting in frustration about their new living conditions while Starfire was trying to discretely hint that Batman didn't like her. Raven closed her eyes and tried to keep the twitching of her eyebrow under control. Far off in the Tower Batman squealed as a vase blew up. Raven opened her eyes and sighed. "Could you guys keep it down?" She croaked. Beastboy and Cyborg turned and began to scream at her until a video game controller blew up. Raven made a noise similar to that of a cat growling. "Please?" They shut up. "Now," Raven began, "in order to...keep the peace, could you guys just go and move your stuff?"

Beastboy grunted. "Fine! Cyborg can go get his junk and cram into my closet. But I'm not sharing anymore than that!"

Cyborg snorted. "Are you serious? You can get _your_ stuff and put it in _my_ junk drawer! Don't even bother with your bed! You can sleep in a drawer. It's not like you won't fit." Beastboy morphed into a monkey and began to howl with rage.

"NOW!!!!!" Raven's eyes were glowing and her cape was swirling around her. Beastboy and Cyborg stumbled over each other trying to get out of the room.

Starfire hovered over to Raven. "Are you troubled?"

Raven stared into space. "No." She then proceeded to go to her room to meditate.

Robin groaned inwardly as Batman led him to...where? It's not like Batman knew his way around the Tower. "Uh," Robin began nervously, "Do you know where you're going?"

Batman stopped and looked around. He then retrieved a small gadget from his tool belt and stared at it. After several minutes of "mmm-hmms" and "hmms", Batman sighed and put it back. "No idea."

Robin frowned. "Then what were you just doing? What was that thing you were staring at?"

Batman gave him a blank stare, his white eyes unblinking. Finally he seemed to show some sign of recognition on his face. He retrieved the object Robin was referring to. "I was just looking at your kindergarten graduation picture."

Robin frowned. "Well, if we go down this way, it's our mission planning room, so-"

Batman cut him off. "Who is that fat, unattractive child on the wall?" He cast an accusing finger at framed photo on the wall.

Robin, irritated at Batman's lack of an attention span, sharply turned his head in the direction Batman was pointing. His eyes met a picture of Cyborg at the most awkward point in his life, with large ears and a plaid bowtie. Why Cyborg had framed it and hung it up, he had no clue. "That's just Cyborg. But anyway, you can just follow me." Robin began to walk off in the direction of their planning room, this time with a little more confidence in his step now that he was leading the way. Then he stopped. He turned around to see Batman far off in the same spot he had left him, muttering about how superheroes couldn't be ugly. Not even as preteens. "Are you coming or what?!" Robin snapped.

Batman looked up and frowned sternly. "Don't use that tone with me, mister."

Robin pulled his hair in frustration and waited for Batman to catch up, then led them to the planning room. Batman walked in behind Robin and immediately began to scrutinize every detail. "This is hardly a planning room. Where is the tunnel for your motorcycle to zoom out of incase of emergencies?" Robin began to open his mouth when Batman began again. "Wait a second...Where is your motorcycle?"

Robin sighed. "Outside."

Batman gasped, then quickly remembered who he was. He straightened his posture and the same stony expression returned to his face. "A hero must always keep his..._ride_ handy." He paused a while and began to mutter to himself. "No, kids don't say _ride_. Or do they?" He began to softly pound his head as he continued quietly. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." He stopped when he saw Robin staring. "Um, so how are you?"

Starfire sat on the couch twisting impatiently. Beastboy and Cyborg had gone to move their things, and Raven was off doing who knows what. "Oh, I wonder what they are speaking of. Surely the father of Robin, the Batman, is not saying harsh things about myself." She stared into space as she imagined Batman lecturing Robin for dating such a terrible girl and such. She stared off into the direction that Batman and Robin left. "I will only do the eavesdropping for a moment." She zoomed off in the direction of the room she was sure Robin would lead Batman.

Robin was red in the face with anger as he and Batman sat in the planning room. Batman had spent the past half-hour lecturing him on the lack of everything necessary in the room, much less the Tower. "You know what?" Robin suddenly stood up. "I think I want something to drink. You thirsty?"

Batman stopped talking and made a small hissing sound to test the dryness of his throat. "I suppose so. A simple glass of water would suffice."

Robin inwardly breathed a sigh of relief and led Batman out the door and to the kitchen. As they continued down the hallway, they both caught a glimpse of Starfire trying to escape after eavesdropping. Robin pretented not to notice and kept walking, but Batman slipped away to go catch her.

Starfire looked around the corner and began to go down the hallway after deciding the coast was clear. She closed her eyes and walked nonchalantly down the hallway until she casually strolled straight into Batman. She squeaked in fear after realizing what had happened. "Oh, I do apologize. I believe that I was not watching where I was going. So if you would excuse me, I wish to make with the haste and such, as I am in a hurry." She smiled nervously and began to walk away, but Batman caught her by the shoulder.

"I know what you're up to," he brought his hand close to his face and waggled a finger at her, "and don't think you're going to get away with it."

Starfire gulped. "Right then. Although I do not know of what you speak, I am sure you mean well...Goodbye." She zoomed off.

Beastboy groaned at his new surroundings. In an ultimate game of rock, paper, scissors, Cyborg had won best two out of three, meaning that Beastboy got a space of exactly 4ft X 4ft in Cyborg's room, which had plenty more room to spare. His stomach growled. "I'm starving! We didn't even get to go to IHOP."

Cyborg looked over with a smug smile on his face as he munched on beef jerky. "Want some?"

Beastboy squinted and mimicked him in a high pitched voice. He flopped over on his tiny futon he had spread out. "Why did you make such a needlessly big tower anyways? And without spare rooms?"

Cyborg frowned. "It's not needlessly big. And besides, I didn't expect Batman to show up. At least the tower got built." Cyborg reached down and picked up a video game controller.

Beastboy's eyes lit up. "Can I play?"

Cyborg made a fake attempt to pass the controller beyond the chalk border of Beastboy's designated area. "Sorry, won't reach." He turned to the screen and started playing. Beastboy sighed/squeaked miserably. He extended his legs to try to get comfortable. Cyborg abruptly paused the game and frowned at Beastboy's right foot. Beastboy noticed this and looked down. He big toe was past the border. He slowly curled it in. Cyborg commenced playing.

Beastboy stared at the ceiling in an effort to pass the time. "I wonder what his face looks like..." Beastboy began to giggle as he imagined all the hilarious possibilities of what could be on Batman's face. Cyborg glanced over, then back to his game. "I don't know. Probably just a normal face. He probably won't keep that mask on though."

Beastboy slowly turned around. "But Robin always wears _his_ mask."

Cyborg paused the game. "Yeah...Wait, no, I've seen'im without the mask."

Beastboy turned around. "Really? When?"

Cyborg shrugged. "One time at night I was getting a drink in the kitchen and I bumped into Robin 'cause it was really dark."

Beastboy stared expectantly. "Well, what'd he look like?"

Cyborg turned back. "I don't know, it was dark."

Beastboy sat up. "Let's find out."

Cyborg stared. "That's crazy."

Beastboy leaned forward. "No, seriously. We should try to see their faces. Besides, it's not really fair to keep secrets, is it? I mean, if Robin can get inside Raven's mind, shouldn't we be able to see something as simple as his face?"

Cyborg stared. "Let's do it."

To be continued...


	3. The birds, the bees, and peanut butter

-1**Chapter 3**

**Author's note: Once again, just as a heads-up, this fic is written by two authors-not one. Also, I know Batman is totally out of character, but the story is supposed to be humorous**.

Well, the first evening with Batman had proved to be, for the most part, uneventful, but not without a thick fog of tension hanging in the air. Raven's anger was on edge, Starfire seemed unusually jumpy, Robin was worried sick, while Beastboy and Cyborg remained cooped up in their room. Batman was just there.

Batman looked around in disgust at the room he was to stay in. The walls were badly in need of painting, and a primal stench seemed to just hang in the air. He quickly whipped out a small can of air freshener from his tool belt and sprayed it everywhere, the set about folding his clothes (several Batman outfits) neatly. He taped a few motivational superhero posters on the wall, then frowned and took them down, deciding that he was much too old for such things. He rolled out a sleeping back, complete with the Batman symbol, tied a rope to it, and fastened the rope to the ceiling…but more of that later.

Raven sat at the kitchen table and sighed. It was around 10:00 at night, and the day had been very confusing. Well, not that confusing, more frustrating than confusing. She stood up and decided that a tall glass of green tea would do her a world of good. She walked to the refrigerator and opened it, then slammed it shut angrily. She closed her eyes and took a breath, then opened it again slowly. Her eyes frantically scanned the contents of the fridge, only to produce the same results. Somebody had drank all of her tea. _Somebody_ had had the nerve to drink _her_ tea. She spun on her heal and marched into the living room.

"Who drank my tea?" She asked calmly, eyeing Beastboy and Cyborg.

Beastboy and Cyborg paused the game and slowly turned around. Beastboy sprung to his feet. "Don't look at me! I'll never drink that tea again after what happened last time!" A small shiver passed through him as he remembered Raven's last reaction.

Cyborg snorted. "I don't drink that crap. Tastes like poop."

They all paused and turned to see Batman casually stroll through with a jug of tea. "How's it goin'?" He continued on his way. A faint, "Mmm, good tea…" could be heard down the hallway. Raven's eye twitched.

"Goodnight!" Beastboy and Cyborg ran off.

Raven sighed. "Goodnight." She croaked as she sulked off to her room. She wondered just how long Batman was planning to stay. The remote blew up as she left the room.

"Oh, Robin," Starfire moaned as she flew around the boy's room in circles helplessly, "I just know your father disapproves of me. Perhaps it is my being from another world, or maybe it is the fact that I like the chunky peanut butter and you like the smooth, and he knows!"

"Star," Robin sighed, catching her by the foot and pulling her down, "it's not you, trust me. In fact, it's _me._"

"You?" Starfire sat down on his bed and stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Yah," Robin ran a hand through his hair, embarrassment showing on his red cheeks as he said, "he, uh, thinks I'm not old enough to be on my own. That's why he's here."

"Is that all?" Starfire breathed a sigh of relief and then pulled her boyfriend into a bone-crunching hug. "Oh, Robin! Your news is wonderful! Perhaps your father simply does not know us yet, but once he sees what a wonderful team we are, and what a wonderful leader _you_ are-"

At that moment, Robin's heavy door swung open and Batman stood in the doorway, glowering. Of course, his glare only hardened when he saw _his_ boy in _that_ girl's lap, her arms around him. He snorted angrily and asked, "Is this some kind of _ripper_ party going on?"

Starfire blinked in confusion. Robin bit his bottom lip and slowly removed himself from the girl, never taking his eyes off his father. Batman crossed his arms, raised one eyebrow, and pursed his lips to one side. He stared at the two teen crime fighters like that for a good three or four minutes, breathing loudly through his nose.

"Greetings, father of Robin," Starfire finally said, smiling sweetly. "Robin finally informed me that you are merely here to protect him. I must say, I am relieved and…" she stopped when she realized he wasn't paying a bit of attention to her. He was still glaring at Robin.

"Dad," Robin argued (even though Batman hadn't said much at all to make an argument), "it's not what you think."

"Think you've got _mad skills_, do you?" The older crime fighter used his fingers to make quotation marks.

"What?" Robin cocked an eyebrow.

"Don't think I'm not _down with_ the ways of the teenagers," Batman did a little jig to emphasize his point.

He looked at Starfire, squinting, and then grabbed Robin by the arm, parading him out of the room. He peeked back into the room once more and pointed at Starfire.

"I'm onto you," he warned.

"I like all of the peanut butter," Starfire gave one last attempt to defend herself.

Batman raised one eyebrow and then left. He stormed into Cyborg's room, Robin's ear pinched in his thumb and fore finger. Cyborg and Beastboy were throwing things at each other. They stopped at looked up at the man, then at each other.

"Can we help you?" Cyborg asked, still sour that he was stuck in this position at all.

"We need to have a manly chat," Batman tossed Robin inside and then closed the door. "You're all growing boys now, and growing boys are filled with raging hormones-"

The boys immediately screamed and lunged for the door. However, it was mysteriously jammed. Despite the orders for him to stay in his square, Beastboy had joined them, and was now a rhinoceros trying to ram down the door. When it failed, he morphed back into a human and his pointed ears wilted. Batman sat down on Cyborg's bed, and pulled Robin down beside him.

"It's time we talked about," lightning flashed in the window, "the birds and the bees."

Raven closed her book and got off of her bed. She might as well try to get something to eat. She left her room and began to walk towards the kitchen, but stopped when she saw Starfire smeared against Cyborg's bedroom door. Raven raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

Starfire motioned for her to come closer. "They are speaking of the birds and of the bees." She hissed in barely above a whisper. "Apparently, when a boy and a girl like each other, they are turned into these birds and these bees." She turned around to fully face Raven. "I believe that is why the Batman does not like me. I will, in time, turn Robin into a bird or a bee."

Raven shook her head. "Let's get something to eat."

Starfire's nine stomachs growled simultaneously. "I am a little hungry…will I turn Robin into a bird or a bee?"

Raven shook her head. "No."

Starfire smiled. "That is good."

Robin wanted to puke. He didn't know how much more of this he could take. Batman had tried seven different ways to start the conversation, had moved on to try to use props, and had even suggested role playing. Robin chanced a glance over at Beastboy and Cyborg and had seen the same look of despair that he felt plastered on their faces.

Batman abruptly quit talking and stood up. The three boys gave him questioning glances, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Now, I know what kids like these days, so I have prepared something to make this easier."

Robin gulped as he wondered what else Batman could have possible come up with. Batman retrieved a small wad of paper out of his belt and unfolded it. They could hear his gloves squishing from the sweat that had built up inside of them. Batman began to speak, but his voice cracked, so he cleared his throat roughly and tried again.

"Yo, yo, yo! Listen up ya'll!

'Cause what I'm 'bout to tell ya'

Ain't no gall!

Ya'll up here in this joint

Together with chicks!

But lemme tell you something',

Lemme make my point-"

"PLEASE!" Cyborg screamed, his normal eye bulging. "NO MORE!"

Batman looked at the other two and saw Beastboy squirming and Robin on the verge of tears. "Very well. But let me make this clear, when Mars collides with Venus, Mercury cries." With that, he turned and left.

After a short pause of silent but desperate pondering, Beastboy and Cyborg turned on Robin and began to scream at him. "Robin," Cyborg began as he rubbed his hand over his bald head, "Your dad has got to go!"

Beastboy nodded furiously behind him. "He's nuts! And he's in my room!"

Robin stood up. "He's my dad! I can't just tell him to leave!"

Beastboy turned into a horse for a few seconds and stomped his foot angrily, then quickly changed back. "Then give up YOUR room! Thanks to your psycho bat dad, I'm practically living in a play pen!"

Cyborg angrily eyed the dirty hoof prints on the floor. "Yo! Get back to your square!"

Beastboy angrily trudged back, then looked back at Robin. He looked back down and muttered angrily, "I want my room back." With that, he turned into a cat and curled up in the small space. Cyborg angrily plopped down and picked up his game controller. Robin left.

The crime fighting teen tossed and turned all night. He wasn't sure whether to be more angry at his father or the criminal that planted marijuana on him that made his father want to come. Cyborg and Beastboy were angry at him, Raven was probably angry at him, and Starfire was worried sick out of her mind. He sat up abruptly and scratched his chest under his t-shirt he wore to sleep. It was only right that he talk to his father, and let him know that he was upsetting everyone. He jumped out of bed, and without even throwing jeans over his boxers, walked out of the room and down to the one which used to be Beastboy's.

"Dad?" He knocked on the door before opening it. "You awake?"

Batman, who was sitting on his bed, looked up in surprise. He had been knitting a sweater. Robin cocked an eyebrow as Batman tucked it under the pillows and gave him a blank stare.

"It's nearly midnight," he reminded him, "what are you doing up so late?"

"I have to talk to you," Robin said, "about everything…about the drugs, and the tower, and my friends…" he blushed as he added, "especially Starfire."

"Oh," Batman frowned.

"Yah," Robin sat down, "look, Dad, I know you're really worried about me, but I've been doing just fine on my own. I'm not on drugs, I don't get into any trouble, I'm a super hero!"

Batman smiled and patted his shoulder as he replied, "you certainly are!" he pinched Robin's cheek, "but you're also still my little Robby-wobby!"

Robin pulled away. "Dad, I'm serious."

Batman's smile wilted. "So am I."

"Beastboy wants his room back," the boy said, "and Starfire thinks you don't like her, and-"

He stopped when he saw his father sniffle. He rolled his eyes and let air escape through his nose. Batman removed the sweater and blew his nose on it. Robin saw that it read, "World's Greatest Son" across the front.

"But, I'm sure they just need a firm yet loving hand…like I do…" he said, realizing this would come back to bite him in the you-know-where.

"That's exactly right!" Batman immediately became somber and he stood up. "That's exactly what's wrong with you! All of you! You're in the stage of your life where you think you know everything, and that you're invincible! I guess I'll just have to stay here and give you each a lesson in growing up."

"WHAT?!" Robin tensed, his eyes widening.

"I'm sorry, Robin," Batman flipped his cape and patted the boy's shoulder, "but Daddy knows best. Now get to bed, we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow!"

"Doing what?" Robin asked as Batman tried to shove him out of the room.

"Bed!" Batman ordered, shoving him out of the room.


	4. Breakfast in the Bathroom

-1Chapter: 4

It was with a cry of rage that Robin emerged from his room the next morning. Batman had been at every Titan's door banging a spoon loudly against a pot, complete with his costume (he hadn't changed out of it since he had arrived) and an apron that read "Betcha' can't beat my meat!".

"Rise n' shine!" Batman cried as he continued down the hallway, leaving a very angry group of teenagers glaring at his son. "Breakfast is ready! Come and get it"

Raven closed her eyes. "It's only seven o'clock. I'm still tired."

Beastboy yawned angrily. "I don't eat breakfast until noon!"

Cyborg grunted, still not yet awake enough to talk, and Starfire looked around. "Well, I am rather hungry. Shall we see what there is to eat?" She looked towards the kitchen, hoping that Batman would hear her and be pleased. Instead, his head whipped around the corner and his face twisted into a terrible frown.

"I said breakfast!"

All of the Titans slowly trudged into the kitchen and gasped simultaneously. It was spotless. Every stain gone, every dish washed, even the blinds were dusted. Beastboy looked in horror at the table. "Dude! I was setting a world record for stains! Where are they?"

Batman whirled around. "Gone! Just like your poor attitude! Now," he smoothed out his apron and smiled, "eat up."

They all sat down and stared. Each of their plates were full of a traditional breakfast-bacon, eggs, toast, sausage, and gravy. They stared even more as they saw Robin chow down.

Batman swatted Robin's utensils out of his hands. "Nuh-uh-uuh. Daddy will cut up your eggs, Robby-Wobby."

Cyborg spit out the orange juice he was drinking and began to laugh. Raven angrily wiped the orange juice off of her face. A transformer on a power line blew up outside, causing the surrounding buildings to lose power.

Beastboy stared down at his food. The sausage was very meaty, the bacon was very meaty, the gravy had chunks of meat in it, the toast was sopping up the juices, and the eggs had bacon scrambled into them. "Um, is there anything without meat in it?"

Batman grinned an evil grin, then quickly composed himself. "I anticipated this, and the answer is no. There will be no _hippie _vegetarianism in this tower."

Beastboy looked down at his plate once more. He recalled several occasions where he had been these animals. "But," he muttered quietly, "their pain." He sighed. "I'll just have some cereal." He got up and went to the pantry. As he did so, Batman stared straight ahead and tried to hide a smile.

"Go ahead."

Beastboy opened the pantry and frowned. Boxes of "Meaty Protein O's" lined the shelves. He turned around and sighed. "Tofu's always good."

Batman snorted.

Beastboy opened the refrigerator, only to discover that the packages that used to contain his tofu had been cleverly filled with salt pork. "Wait a minute! Where's my soy milk?" Beastboy pushed several cartons of meat juice aside, only to come up empty-handed. He looked down miserably. "I guess I'll starve."

Raven sighed. "There are Pop-Tarts in my room. I'll go get them." She stood up to go and paused when Batman cleared his throat and frowned. Raven frowned back ten times harder and twenty times more menacingly. "You drank my tea." She left to her room.

Cyborg ate his food peacefully, afraid to admit that it was actually quite delicious. He smiled nervously with gravy and grease dripping down his chin when he caught everyone glaring at him. Batman, however, was smiling proudly. "Eat up."

Cyborg looked down, and his face slowly grew horrified. "Is this poisoned?"

Batman looked horrified. "Heavens no! I want nothing but the best for you kids. I'm just glad to see somebody actually enjoying breakfast."

Robin burped loudly.

Batman glanced over. "Well, besides Robin, anyways."

Starfire pushed her food around with her fork. "So, father of Robin, what are the plans for today?"

Batman stared at her, unsure of what to think. Then he smiled. "I was hoping one of you would ask me that. Today, we are going to go out and train."

Robin looked up. "Wait, what? When."

Batman stared blankly. "Now."

"What?!" Everyone screamed simultaneously. Their stomachs were all stuffed full of breakfast and it was only barely past seven-thirty. Cyborg clutched his stomach and gravy trailed down his chin. He eyed the window and could almost see the heat waves rising off the ground.

Raven (after returning, of course) stared at Batman. "I'm not." She got up and pushed her chair in. "I have other things to do."

Batman scoffed. "Like what?"

Raven stared at him, unscathed. "Like jump off a bridge."

Batman stood up and he suddenly seemed enormous and intimidating as the traditional Batman would. His cape seemed to extend ten feet on either side, giving him the eerie appearance of a giant bat. "We're going out." He hissed.

Cyborg moaned. "Can I go to the bathroom first?" The giant helping of meat and juices and nutrients that his body rarely received mixed and rumbled dangerously in his stomach.

Batman dismissed him with a wave of his hand. His head quickly moved in the direction of Beastboy crinkling a Pop-Tart wrapper. He muttered quietly as he munched on the Pop-Tart, complaining about blood-sucking bats and such.

Starfire looked around. "Well, I am willing to go to the outside. The day is lovely, after all."

Batman beamed. "Indeed."

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Outside was not a fun place. It just so happened that the High Five (what remained of them anyway) were out robbing a jewelry store. Normally, the Teen Titans would be revved up and ready to go, but now that they were all so full of meat and eggs, they could barely will themselves to move. Cyborg had terrible heart burn, Raven felt sleepy, Starfire had indigestion , and Robin wobbled. Beastboy, who had eaten pop tarts, was the only one hopping foot to foot throwing insults. He turned around to his teammates and asked, "what's with you sad sacks?"

"My insides are on fire!" Cyborg moaned, "oh, oh! I can feel that bacon!"

"Agreed," Starfire said with a loud burp. "I can barely stand up. I feel that each of my stomachs will explode."

"Mmmm…."Raven sat down and curled herself under her cape.

"Titans," Robin panted, "go…!"

He made no effort to move. He was doubled over, afraid that if he stood up straight he would let loose, and he was wearing tight, shiny pants. His titanium cape suddenly seemed far too heavy for him to handle and he fell to his knees.

"Hey, what's wrong with you pit-sniffers?" Gizmo asked, noticing their slovenly movements and posture.

Starfire started to speak, but she burped once more. "Excuse me," she moaned and sat down, beginning to fan herself.

"What kind of crazy person feeds you bacon and eggs right before a crime spree?" Cyborg asked, sitting down too.

"I'm good to go!" Beastboy transformed into a gorilla and charged at them. However, he was stopped dead in his tracks when he smelled something terrible. Something far worse than he'd ever left in his room. He returned to his human state and fanned his nose.

"Eww!" He said, "who did that?!"

"Me," Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin all confessed at once, and then looked at each other.

Raven, who was still cocooned in her cloak, opened it a bit and quickly shut it again. Black magical mist from her zinthos protected her from the odor. She was on the verge of death, and _that_ would have surely did her in. Even the High Five members began to complain.

"What did you eat?" Billy asked, turning from five of himself to one. "Five eggs?"

"Yes," the titans replied together once again.

It was the most humiliating day of their crime-fighting lives. Batman, who claimed he was at home doing the dishes, suddenly swooped down and glowered at the young villains.

"Do your parents know you're out here stealing?" He asked menacingly.

"Don't have any," See-More scoffed, blinking his one eye.

"IT'S SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Starfire screamed, flying away, and clutching her stomach.

Raven disappeared into the ground, following her example. Cyborg stormed back home too, destined to make it to the bathroom before the others. Beastboy and Robin remained. They stared at Batman.

"See?" Beastboy said accusingly, "this is what meat does to you! That's why I eat to-fuuuuu!!!!" He held his nose again, "Robin, cut that out! Geez!"

Robin blushed. "Sorry, I'm gonna go on home."

Batman watched him walk away, waddling like a duck. He vaguely recalled buying the meat from a toothless gypsy, but what a deal! What was wrong with these kids? Couldn't they even appreciate a good breakfast once in a while? Oh, he'd be staying longer than he intended, that was for sure. He eventually stopped the High Five, and made Beastboy return to the tower with him. Starfire was in the restroom, and the others seemed to have formed a line outside of the door. Raven was meditating, though she had sweat pouring down her forehead, Cyborg was sobbing, and Robin was curled into a little ball, sitting on his hands, clutching himself for dear life.

"Dudes," Beastboy said stepping over them so he could get to his room, "Batman has got to go."

"Yes! A plunger would be nice!" Starfire called to him, "and please, make the haste!"

Batman walked into the tower and sat down on the sofa, his leather-like suit squeaking. The titans outside of the bathroom shushed him. The slightest movement, the smallest distraction would destroy them. The rest of the day followed pretty much the same. The bathroom was hogged on and off for hours, Beastboy played video games outside of his designated square (what could Cyborg do about it? The slightest movement could have been his last), and Batman left the tower on and off.

"Robin," Raven said, stepping out of the bathroom, an empty bottle of Pepto Bismol with a straw sticking out of it clutched in her hand, "your dad really can't stay here anymore."

"Raven is right," Starfire agreed, walking out of the bathroom for the fiftieth time, "our team cannot afford another incident like _that_."

" 'INCIDENT'?!" Cyborg cried, running into the bathroom. "Girl, this ain't no incident!!!"

Robin looked down, unsure of what to say. He couldn't just tell Batman to leave. It would hurt his feelings, and there was a good chance he simply wouldn't leave, with or without Robin's permission. The evening settled down and the titans sat on the sofa, watching television together. Batman had been gone most of the afternoon (possibly b/c of the smell), so he hadn't bothered them much. However, just as Starfire had grabbed the big quilt she and Robin shared, Batman busted in and Robin pushed Starfire off of him.

"What are you doing?!" Beastboy cried as the man approached the TV and began pushing buttons on it, "this is the best part!"

"I've rented a square-dancing video," Batman said, placing a large ten-gallon hat over his head, mask and all, "and we're going to watch it together."

" 'Square-dancing'?" Raven repeated, "no thanks. Please put it back on the monster movie."

The man made no effort to do so and the square-dancer instructor appeared on the screen, yodeling and yee-hawing every other word. The titans all glared at Robin expectantly.

"Um, Dad," Robin said, "couldn't we watch it tomorrow? This movie's already half-way through."

Batman didn't hear him b/c he was dancing and clapping along. He had grabbed Raven's hand and yanked her off of the couch and began twirling her around. This, obviously, wasn't Raven's of _fun_ and it was proven when random things began blowing up all over the house. It was like land-mines had been set in every physical object.

"Stop!" Everyone shouted at once, knowing what would would happen if Raven reached her limits.

"Dosie-doe!" Batman cried, throwing her into the air, and that's where she stayed, panting heavily, trying to calm down.

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"I am trying to be patient," Starfire told Robin that night as she sat down beside him on his bed, "I really am. Robin, I feel joy that your father has come to stay with us, but even my patience wears thin. Did you see what happened this evening?"

"I know," Robin sighed, "I know, but it's not that easy. I mean, he's my father."

"I understand," Starfire stood up, "and I respect your choice. Shall we commence the snuggling on your bed, full with tickling and hitting each other with pillows."

Normally, Robin would have been all over the idea, but now that his bedroom door no longer had a lock, it didn't sound so good. He looked at Starfire, who was smiling at him, floating inches from his face. Robin smiled back. He picked up a pillow and smacked her with it. Starfire giggled, grabbed another pillow, and hit him ten times as hard as he'd hit her. Of course, she was naturally stronger, and sometimes didn't even realize her own strength.

"Knock, knock," Raven's monotone voice sounded, "may I come in?"

"It's open," Robin laughed, pulling his girlfriend down to pound her with his pillow.

Raven stepped in and commented, "a pillow fight, how cute. Hey, have any of you seen my latest Harry Potter book?"

Starfire sat up. "I believe I saw the Batman with it earlier."

Raven's eyebrow twitched and a CD on Robin's desk exploded. "Oh."

Beastboy and Cyborg, hearing the noise, made their way to the room too. When they saw nothing was wrong, they decided it was a good opportunity to throw Robin into an intervention. Cyborg closed the door and Beastboy tackled both Starfire and Robin.

"What?!" Robin demanded, "what do you guys want?"

"Make your dad leave!" Cyborg and Beastboy pleaded together.

"I can't!" Robin said, sitting up. "I'm sorry, guys, but I would hurt his feelings."

"Robin," Cyborg scoffed, "I had to deal with BB movin' into my room-"

"Yah, and I'm crammed into a square like a sardine in a tin!" Beastboy added.

"And we've each spent our fair share amount of time in the bathroom," Cyborg said. "I don't care about his feelings! I care about my well-being!"

"And Raven has been losing her temper a lot," Starfire tossed in meekly.

Robin sighed.

"I'll tell him tomorrow," he finally agreed, "I promise."

To Be Continued…


	5. Attempted laundry and took a shower

-1**Chapter 5**

Robin got out of bed at seven: thirty. He'd actually been awake since four: thirty, but he stayed in bed, trying to come up with the best way to tell Batman he had to go. He went into the kitchen, and luckily found that Batman had fixed instant oatmeal. However, once the other titans came down for breakfast, they were not even going to risk eating one of his meals again. Hands grabbed for cereal boxes, pop-tarts, and protein shakes. Robin sat down to a brimming bowl of oatmeal, however, and Batman smiled. He had just finished the dishes and was wiping his gloved hands against a polka-dot apron.

"Sleep well, Robby-Wobby?" He asked, dusting some cinnamon into the oatmeal. "Just the way you like it."

"Um, thanks, Dad," Robin glanced at the other titans, whose eyes were blood-shot and filled with rage. It was now or never.

"Today, I have something very important planned," Batman stated, sitting down and taking a spoonful of oatmeal, "we're going to have a school day."

" 'School'?" The titans repeated simultaneously, cocking their eyebrows.

"Actually, Dad," Robin put his spoon down, "we have to talk."

"Not now, Sweetie," Batman held up a hand, "Daddy is talking to your disobedient friends."

"But, Dad-"

"I've prepared a lesson plan for each of you based on what I've learned about your intellectual levels," Batman pulled a big manila folder onto the tabletop, filled so thick with papers that it was the size of a dictionary.

The Titan's mouths fell open. Batman cleared the breakfast dishes, and opened the folder. Robin slumped down in his chair and his teammates glared daggers at him. Raven shuddered and the microwave blew up behind her. Batman looked at it curiously, shrugged, and then went back to what he was doing. He put on reading glasses over his mask and adjusted them to see the papers he was taking out of the folder. They were separated into stacks by paperclips and a sticky-note with each Titan's name was stuck to each stack. However, none of the names were correct.

"For Slideboard," Batman handed Cyborg a stack, "a 'build your own robot' guide."

"This says for ages 6 & up," Cyborg waved the stack around, "I could build this in my sleep!"

"That's wonderful," Batman chuckled, and then glared at him menacingly. "Now get busy!"

He then passed a seventh grade grammar book to Raven. She stared at it, then at Batman, back at the book, back at Batman, back at the book, and then the toaster oven exploded. Batman scratched his head, turning around, and decided it was just a coincidence.

" 'Predicates and predicate nominatives'," She read aloud from the cover. "I think I'm just a few years passed this."

Batman waved a hand at her and replied, "nonsense, Crow!"

He then handed Starfire a stack, a little less friendly than he'd been with the other ones. It nearly hit her in the eye when he tossed it in her direction. She caught it and glanced at it curiously.

" 'Turning Good, an edition for Dummies'," she read aloud.

"Dad!" Robin turned angrily to his father, but Batman was already at Beastboy's side.

"And some coloring pages and crayons for Changeling," he told the green boy.

"Sweet!" Beastboy smiled for the first time in a few days, "I love to color!"

"Beastboy's fourteen," Raven told Batman, "not four. Can't you give him a book or something?"

"And for Robby-Wobby," Batman placed a large text book in front of the boy and a spiral notebook, "advanced trigonometry."

"What?!" Robin looked at it. "I'm barely past Algebra Two!"

Batman patted him on the back and laughed good-naturedly. "Well, then you'd better get crackin'!"

Cyborg angrily slammed his robot set against the table. "Man, we're not stupid! I'm not gonna just sit here and let you undermine me!"

Batman shook a finger. "Don't yell at me, mister. If you're so smart, then show me and build that robot. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be doing all of your laundry as you work on your studies." He picked up a laundry basket and walked towards the laundry room. He paused and turned around. "You all better be geniuses by the time I get back." He turned away and turned back. He glared at Starfire. "And you'd better be good. You hear me?" He walked out.

Starfire sighed. "The Batman thinks I am bad."

Raven sighed angrily. "I'm not doing this." They all heard Batman yelp as the lint trap in the dryer blew up. "Robin," Raven turned to him, "We let you be leader quite a lot." She eyed her seventh grade grammar book angrily. "But right now, you're not doing a very good job." She croaked out angrily. The rest of the Titans furiously nodded along.

Robin frowned. "I…but…you guys!" He looked at each of them pleadingly. "Just give him a chance. Please. I promise that if he's not better by tomorrow that I'll tell him to go. But, just one more day."

Starfire's frown slowly oozed into a smile. "Oh, Robin! Of course we will give the Batman another chance!" She threw her arms around her boyfriend. The rest of the Titans fell over in exasperation.

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Batman hummed happily as he folded Robin's laundry. He lovingly smeared Spray N' Wash all over the stains of his Robby-Wobby's clothes and frowned when he saw any article of clothing not belonging to Robin. He became uneasy as he pulled female underwear out of the dryer and decided that leaving them in there was the best option. He especially became uneasy as he pulled a black leotard out of the dryer that looked like it could fit a baby-doll. Then out came another. And another. Oh, this was bad. Sweat nervously ran down the side of his face as he held a tiny leotard out at arms length.

"Dad?" Robin had entered the laundry room to let Batman know that they were all finished.

Batman began to panic and quickly shoved the small wad of shrunken leotards into a cabinet. "Yes?!" He shrieked as he spun around.

Robin raised an eyebrow. "We're all finished."

Batman smiled nervously. "Oh good! Um, why don't you run along to your rooms for some nap time?" He almost gasped as he noticed a bleached sleeve that was attached to what once was Beastboy's black and purple suit.

Robin inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. His dad had overlooked the fact that Robin couldn't have possibly finished an advanced trigonometry workbook in ten minutes.

Robin shrugged and ran off to tell everyone they had a free afternoon. Batman almost cried as he examined the load of ruined laundry. Oh wait, no, there was a purple skirt unscathed. He happily picked it up, then a bottle of black goo meant to blind enemies fell out of his tool belt and splattered all over the skirt. He screamed in frustration and threw the whole mess against the wall, causing shelves holding laundry detergent and such to crash to the floor.

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Cyborg and Beastboy were playing video games in Cyborg's room, with Beastboy in his designated area and Cyborg spread out luxuriously all over the rest of the floor. Beastboy paused it and looked at Cyborg. "Hey, did we ever find out what was under that mask?"

Cyborg was about to scream at him for pausing the game, but then turned to face him. "No, no we didn't."

Beastboy put a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe we should find out."

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "But how?"

Beastboy shrugged. "I don't know, we're Titans! We can figure something out."

Cyborg grinned. "Extra points for Robin's face. He deserves it anyway."

Beastboy frowned. "No way! Robin will murder us!"

Cyborg held up a piece of chalk. "I'll extend your square."

Beastboy jumped up. "Deal!"

Cyborg stood up. "Okay, we need a plan. We gotta catch 'im alone."

Beastboy nodded. "Right."

As if on cue, Batman walked by with a towel thrown over his shoulder and a bar of lye soap in his hand. "Gonna take a shower!"

Beastboy and Cyborg looked at each other. Beastboy scratched his head. "I don't wanna see Batman take a shower!"

Cyborg shuddered. "Me neither. But it's the easiest way."

Beastboy frowned. "You better extend my square through the door."

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Batman whistled as he headed for the bathroom. He'd just pay them for the clothes he ruined. He did feel awful. Maybe he shouldn't have tried to tackle the laundry. After all, the only cleaning his suit required was a brisk scrub down with a scrub brush, some Ajax, and a water hose. Alfred did all the other laundry. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He swatted away a fly as he locked the door.

Beastboy hovered the other way before he could see Batman undress. He hated being a fly. As soon as he heard the shower curtain pulled open and shut again, he morphed into his normal self and unlocked the door. Cyborg quietly stepped inside, and the two of them tip-toed to the shower curtain. Batman's silhouette was doing a jig and a tune was floating from inside the shower. Cyborg had to bite his bottom lip to keep from laughing, and Beastboy gulped. On the silent count of three, they both simultaneously reached over and ripped the shower curtain open…

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Raven opened her dresser drawer to discover nothing. She opened another drawer, and nothing. Each drawer produced the same result. She looked around her room and tried to keep her temper under control. Every article of clothing was gone. That idiot had come in and decided to wash everything.

She walked down the hallway and stopped by Starfire's door. A muffled, "Where are my dressings?" could be heard. Raven continued until she reached the laundry room, which she found to be in complete disarray. The shelved were crumpled on the floor and the cabinet doors were opened. Her eye caught a familiar color in one cabinet, and she opened it. Seething rage scorched her body from head to toe as she picked up several small leotards. She then found a small handkerchief that, no doubt, was once a cloak. Several electronics all over the house exploded simultaneously, including everything and anything that Robin owned. He would pay for this. He would pay dearly. Her head whipped around as she heard a sharp yelp from the bathroom.

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Batman clutched the shower curtain to his front side, his chest heaving with fright. Beastboy and Cyborg frowned.

Cyborg ripped the shower curtain away from him. "Yo, you still got your suit on!?! What's wrong with you?!"

Beastboy wrung his hands in frustration. "Do you even have a face? I can't believe you wear that mask in the shower! Not to mention your whole suit!"

Batman frowned. "Get out!" He shrieked, and he threw them out into the hallway, slamming the door as soon as their backs hit the hallway wall. They slowly turned to each other. Beastboy sighed. "Soooo, want to try Robin now?"


	6. Awkward Teens and Obsessive Villains

-1**Chapter Six**

It was that evening when Robin tore out of his bedroom, down the hall, and out of the tower. He was screaming incoherently and wielding his silver bo staff around like their was no tomorrow. Batman, who had been sitting on the couch sewing Raven a new leotard, raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"What was that all about?" He turned to Raven, who was flipping through channels lazily.

"Slade must have contacted him," she replied calmly.

"Who?" Batman put the black cloth down.

"Slade is a terrible villain with purely evil motives," Starfire hovered out of the kitchen to join their conversation. "He makes Robin angry to the point of being mentally unstable, and he even blackmailed him into being his evil apprentice and told him to call him 'master' and-"

Batman stood up abruptly, knocking over the coffee table, Raven's mug of tea and all. Raven pursed her lips and the window behind her shattered. Cyborg and Beastboy entered the living room with a jump rope, rag, bottle of chloroform, and a camera with hopes of taking Batman's mask by force. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw his cape billowing in a non-existent breeze, and his eyes glowing white. He turned to the teens slowly.

"Get your coats," he ordered in a low, throaty growl. "We're going out."

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"Come now, Robin," Slade teased in a mysterious warehouse at the edge of the city. "You'll never be able to even land a punch on me. You've gone soft."

"What did you steal?" Robin threw another punch at him. "Who did you hurt?" He tried to kick him. "What are you planning?" He dodged a quick blow to the jaw.

"Oh, we're just alike," Slade chuckled.

"I'm nothing like you!" Robin snarled, losing his footing on a stack of tall boxes and falling onto the cement floor. He winced slightly, and struggled to untangle his cape from his face.

Slade landed gracefully in front of him and took Robin's chin roughly in his hand. "You know, Robin, you and I could be a great pair. Just like a father and son."

He ripped out a taiser and jabbed it into the boy's abdomen. Robin fell over, considered calling the other Titans, decided against it, and stood back up. His dad's visit had already caused them all to hate him, so why make them even more angry by calling for their help against Slade? They'd probably tag-team and all have a jolly old time beating the snot out of him.

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The Titans followed Batman around the tower, quiet as mice. He wasn't the goofy oaf shrinking leotards and cooking bad meals at the moment. He seemed bigger, more intimidating. Raven even put her hood on to avoid his menacing gaze. He then led them down to wear they kept the T-Car and other vehicle devices and they all gasped.

"The Bat-Mobile," Cyborg drooled, looking at it.

Batman ripped the door open (it opened vertically). "Jump in the back."

They all climbed in the back with their mouths hanging open in awe, then Batman climbed in the front and leaned his seat a good three feet back from the steering wheel. He brought one hand up to rest on the steering wheel, pumped up the radio with Trick Daddy's _Let's Go_ playing very loudly, then turned to face the rest of the Titans. "Hold on." And with that, he zoomed off at unimaginable speeds with flames spewing from the exhaust pipes.

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Robin looked around frantically. After a painful kick to the head, he had flown into what looked like a maze of boxes and such, and now tiptoed around trying to find Slade before Slade found him.

"Robin…"

Robin whipped his head around. Slade's voice seemed to echo from all directions. Robin silently cleared his throat before speaking. "Come out and fight!" His voice held less courage than he'd like. Slade just chuckled.

"You can't hide your fear, Robin. I know when you're afraid." Suddenly Slade's voice seemed much closer. "I know everything about you, Robin. After all," Slade's voice was now right behind him, "We're just alike."

Robin swung his arm around in an attempt to hit Slade, but Slade easily caught it. "Just come quietly, Robin. I'm not here because I stole anything, or because I killed anyone. I'm here for you. To pick up where we left off. Be my apprentice." Slade hissed these last words.

Robin tore his arm out of Slade's grasp. "Never!"

Slade laughed quickly, then took a swing at Robin. Before his fist connected with Robin's face, however, and unseen object flew out of nowhere and hit Slade right in the temple. Slade slapped his hand to the side of his mask and whipped his head around, trying to find the culprit. Robin took this opportunity to distance himself from Slade.

Lightning flashed, and suddenly bats were screeching and surrounding Slade. Slade angrily tore at the air trying to claw at the fast creatures, then a silhouette against a window high on one of the warehouse walls caught his attention. It was a massive figure of well over six feet tall, with a large cape and two points on the top of its head. The thing that stood out the most was the pair of menacing white eyes. The figure spoke up.

"I am the vengeance, I am the night, I am Batman!" With that said, he raised his arms to give the appearance of bat wings and flew off the window sill, using a grappler hook on any raised surface all the way down. He landed right in front of Slade, and didn't waste any time throwing a knuckle-crunching punch to his face. Slade immediately threw his hands in front of his face, but Batman's onslaught continued and only seemed to get more rapid and more violent.

Robin was dumbstruck. Batman seemed to literally come out of nowhere. But he was also a little perplexed. This was _his_ fight, not Batman's. He clutched his abdomen where the taiser had stung him, and watched as his adopted father beat the living daylights out of an enemy he'd never met. A tinge of jealousy bubbled within the boy. He'd been after Slade for a good year or so, and had barely done enough to bruise him. Yet here Batman was, slamming the villain's face over and over into the cement. The other Titans appeared at Robin's side. Starfire hugged him.

"Oh, Robin," she kissed his cheek, "I am filled with relief that you are not injured."

"Whoa…" Beastboy grinned, "your dad is kicking butt!"

Cyborg nodded. "Gotta hand it to you, Robin, your dad's not so bad on the battlefield."

They all winced as Slade's body made a sickening popping sound, and then smiled when he was slammed into a crate head-first. Robin scowled the entire time, and eventually crossed his arms like a pouting toddler. Batman wasn't supposed to defeat Slade. This was all wrong. This was Robin's worst nightmare, in fact. His brooding was interrupted when Slade flew in his direction, screaming and flailing in his arms. Robin moved away just in time, Slade crashing into another crate. Batman stepped towards them and gently shoved Robin aside.

"Excuse me, Son," he growled, taking the reluctant, ground-clawing masked villain by the ankles and dragging him back.

"The Batman is glorious!" Starfire squealed, hovering in the air. "Oh, Robin, he is just like you!"

"Yah," Robin muttered, "only he can actually take Slade down."

Once Slade was beaten to the point of begging to go to jail, a first on his part, Batman clasped his hands of dust, smiling. He turned around and frowned at the Titans.

"I thought I told you all to wait in the car," he reminded them sternly.

"And miss _that_?" Cyborg scoffed. "No way!"

Batman sighed and then lowered his head, chuckling. "Kids."

Robin approached his father, ready to really lay it on him, but Batman took him roughly by the shoulders and began spinning him around, checking for injuries. He then smoothed out Robin's cape, and dusted debris off of his clothes and out of his hair. Robin smacked his hand away. The Titans gasped.

"Why did you come here?" Robin demanded. "I can take care of myself, you know! I didn't need your help!"

"Robin-" Starfire spoke up, but Robin held his hand up to silence her. To his father he continued, "You knew I never did any drugs, yet you still came here and made my life a living hell! Cyborg and Beastboy are crammed into one room, Raven's on the brink of insanity, Starfire's miserable because you're mean to her, and I'm getting blamed for all of it! All because you wouldn't leave me alone!"

"Settle down," Raven said. "He only cares about you, you know."

Batman stared sadly at his son, and then turned to each of the Titans slowly. "None of you like me?" He asked meekly.

The Titans all suddenly felt terribly guilty. Raven pulled her cape over her head, hiding her face. Cyborg and Beastboy looked away. Starfire bit her bottom lip. Batman opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked at Robin once more, and quickly looked away when the boy glared at him.

"You need to leave, _Batman_, " Robin told him. "You don't belong here."

Robin had only called his father, 'Batman' when they were on missions together. He slipped up once when he was nine years old. They had just caught the joker, and the little boy with missing teeth grinned at the bound villainous clown and said, "That was awesome, Dad!"

Joker never did get over that, and laughed all the way to prison.

Batman stared down at his booted feet, but didn't say anything. He simply shuffled to the car, the other Titans following him uneasily. Starfire stayed behind with Robin. Her face no longer held worry and concern, but disappointment and anger. Robin glanced at her uneasily. "What? You guys wanted him gone so badly."

"You asked us to give your father another chance," His girlfriend replied, "and _we _did. You are the one who wants him gone."

With that, she flew away, following the others back to the Bat-Mobile. The ride home was long and silent. Occasionally, Beastboy would ask if anybody knew what time it was, but that was it. When they returned to the Tower, Batman remained outside. The Titans looked at him.

"Robin didn't mean any of that stuff," Cyborg reassured him. "You can come back inside."

"Yah," Raven added with a shrug. "And besides, it's late."

"Robin _always_ acts this way when he fights Slade," Beastboy chimed in. "He treats us like dirt every time."

"Father of Robin," Starfire stepped in front of him, "I ask that you stay for us. To wash the laundry, and give us the school lessons, and cook us the breakfasts." She looked down at her feet. "I know you do not like that Robin and I are dating."

" 'Dating' ?" Batman looked at her, startled.

"You did not know?" Starfire inquired, surprised.

"I thought you were an undercover villain," Batman confessed.

The entire group began to laugh, and then Robin appeared. Everyone stopped laughing abruptly and took a few good steps backwards. He sighed heavily and said, "I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight," Batman said nervously.

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The following morning, there was no breakfast on the table. The kitchen was in disarray as was the living room, and the bathroom. A pile of bat-printed luggage was sitting by the front door. Starfire was the first to see it. She hovered in the air, looking around for the owner. Batman entered the room, as if on cue, and sheepishly glanced at it.

"Surely you are not leaving because of what Robin said in a fit of rage, are you?" The girl asked, planting her feet on the ground.

Raven entered the room too, sipping from a mug of tea. "Yah, I mean, the new leotards you sewed me fit great. I'm wearing one right now."

Batman frowned sadly. "I only came here to make sure Robby-Robin was okay, and he's obviously very mature."

" 'Mature'?" Cyborg yawned, entering the room as well. "Nah, he can act any age from four to fourteen."

"Hey!" Beastboy exclaimed, insulted by the comment about fourteen year olds.

"We must insist that you stay," Starfire said. "Robin will forgive you."

At that moment, Robin walked into the room. He looked at Batman. Batman looked back at him.


	7. Unmasked

-1Robin stared at the older man, but said nothing. He simply traveled to the kitchen and fixed himself a bowl of cereal. Unfortunately, all they had was old fiber cereal Starfire had bought because the box was sparkly. He poured the kibbles into a bowl, then poured a lot milk over them in hopes of making them soft, but it did nothing. The kibbles stayed hard. He took the entire meal to his room and closed the door behind him. At home, he was _never_ allowed to eat in his room, but this was his _home_ now. He made the rules. He sat down on his unmade bed and began eating. It felt like he'd just taken a bite of Pine tree. He chewed the disgusting cereal, and wondered if Batman was making breakfast for everyone else. Not that he'd eat it or anything.

"Robin?" Starfire knocked on his door. "Would it be alright if I entered?"

"Come in," he replied, swallowing the barks and twigs posing as fiber.

Starfire entered the room nervously and closed the door behind her. She stared at Robin for a moment, and then hovered over to his bed and sat down beside him. For a moment, the only sound in the room was Robin's struggle to choke down the cereal, but then he spoke.

"I'm sorry about last night," he began, "I should have called you guys to come and help me."

"We always respect your constant addiction to defeat Slade," Starfire reminded him, "but the Batman did not know that. He did not know that Slade is your one true goal on this world."

Robin stopped eating and looked at her. Starfire cocked one of her small eyebrows skeptically. "What is it?" Robin looked down like she'd just slapped him in the face.

"Slade isn't the only thing I think about, Star," Robin told her. "I think about you guys, especially you, and having fun, and being normal once in a while-"

"But when Slade is on the run" Starfire interrupted, "he does become a primary goal for you, does he not?"

Robin sighed. "I guess, but I just don't understand why I've been chasing him for what seems like forever now and my dad just met him and-" he then realized that he was answering his own question. Batman had been fighting villains much longer than he had. He'd encountered all sorts of bad guys. Anything from evil clowns to bomb-fanatics. He knew them all.

"Robin?" Starfire touched his hand.

"I've been such a jerk to him," Robin sighed, standing up. "I have to talk to him."

"I am afraid you cannot," Starfire stood up too. "Despite our protests, the Batman left a short while ago."

"What?!" The boy's eyes behind his mask widened.

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People stared, their mouths hanging open inside of the deli on main street. In the far booth in the back corner, Batman-in full costume, stared sadly at an untouched meatball sub. Even the workers couldn't keep focused. Cell phones had come out of every pocket and purse to take pictures. Batman simply sighed and sipped at his Root Beer. Why? Why couldn't he remember that Robin was already a teenager? It seemed only yesterday he was learning to fasten his gadget belt and now he was fighting villains all on his own.

"Um, sir," An employee approached him. He looked about Robin's age, maybe a bit older, with glasses and a lot of acne. He ripped a comic book from his pocket. "Will you sign my _Super Friends_ comic featuring you?!"

Batman sipped at his Root Beer. "Sure, son. Anything for a strapping lad like yourself."

He felt around in his belt and realized he had used it to jab Slade in his one, exposed eye. He looked around the restaurant and asked in a flat voice, "Anybody have a pen?" About five hundred pens came into view. Pretty soon, everyone was asking for autographs. Batman sadly signed cups, wrappers, backs, arms, checkbooks, jeans, faces, and even sandwiches that were to go on ebay immediately.

"Did you know Robin lives here?" A little boy asked, excitedly. "He's my hero! Well, not as much as you, but still, he's great!"

Batman smiled just a little. "He is, isn't he?"

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Robin frantically made his way around town looking for Batman. One of his numerous gadgets showed he was still in town, but so far, he'd had no luck in locating him. Starfire accompanied him, flying overhead. She stopped when she spotted a large crowd in front of a plaza. She picked Robin up off the ground by the back of his uniform top and pointed. The Batmobile was parked in three different spaces.

"Just like always," Robin smiled.

They made their way through a crowd that led into a _Subway _restaurant. They spotted Batman signing some elderly employee's cap. Robin waited for the employee to step away, then he stepped forward. Starfire hung behind, biting her fingernails nervously. The sweaty, teenage employee winked at her, causing her to shudder slightly.

"Dad?" Robin cleared his throat.

Batman turned around and his white eyes glittered with tears. "Robby-Wobby, ahem, I mean," he straightened up and said in a low, gruff voice, "Robin."

"It's okay, Dad," Robin shrugged. "I always kind of liked…" he blushed. " 'Robby-Wobby'."

The female half of the crowd cooed, "Aww." The male half began to laugh themselves into a stupor, lettuce and ham spewing from their mouths. Starfire gritted her teeth and a few star bolts were sent their way. Robin approached Batman and ran a hand nervously through his gelled-up hair.

"I'm sorry about last night," he apologized.

"No," Batman said, "I'm sorry. I should have known you could handle villains and crooks by yourself by now. You're almost a grown man."

Robin shook his head. "I still had no right to yell at you, or tell you to leave. In fact, I'm asking you to stay."

"This isn't supposed to happen!" Some nerd wielding a comic book shouted. "According to volume 456, page 23, frame A-2, Batman and Robin have a dramatic break up and then-"

Batman and Robin both turned around and shot the same, white-eyed, menacing glare. They were also both holding dangerous looking weapons between their fingers. The nerd shrunk back in the crowd, gulping loudly. Starfire plowed through the crowd, giggling, and threw her arms around her boyfriend.

"Oh, Robin! I am so happy that you and the Batman have made nice! Shall we celebrate with the pizza?" She asked.

"Actually," Robin looked at the older man in black, "my dad makes a mean steak. Why don't we grill tonight?"

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Robin and Starfire rode back to the Tower in the Batmobile, with Robin in front and Starfire in the back.

"I, uh, I really am sorry." Robin stared at Batman through his mask apologetically.

Batman turned to him and smiled.

Robin smiled. "Dad." He added.

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Cyborg and Beastboy peared through the window as they saw the Batmobile pull up. "Dude," Beastboy began jumping up and down, "they're back! And they've got…steak?"

Beastboy watched as Batman came walking up to the door with packages of steak. He began to panic. Not more mysterious meat! He frantically checked his slightly larger square (Cyborg had at least somewhat held up his end of the deal) for air freshener, just incase worst came to worst.

Robin walked in smiling, with Starfire at his arm and Batman trailing sheepishly behind him.

Raven looked up and actually smiled, then frowned immediately when she saw the meat.

Robin put his hands up. "Don't worry, it came from the grocery store. He just refused to get a bag."

Raven tried to process the image of Batman in full costume refusing a grocery bag.

Batman stood up taller. "I'm going to grill steak."

Beastboy and Cyborg peered around the corner at Batman as he seasoned the meat. He stood in the kitchen, just hovering over the counter humming as he sprinkled the meat tenderizer and such.

"Do you really think we should go for the mask again? I mean, he just got back." Beastoy questioned.

Cyborg rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe not. Let's give it about an hour."

And so they parted, each knowing what the plan was.

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Everyone ate dinner outside at a picnic table. Nobody really knew where the table had come from, but a gigantic bat symbol was printed across the top. Batman served steak, and to Beast Boy, a baked potato and corn bread. For once, they ate in peace. As they gnawed and tore at their delicious slabs of meat, Starfire tapped a plastic fork against her plastic cup.

"Attention, friends," she spoke up, "I would like to perform the toast-" she glanced at Robin and his father, "To the Batman, and his wonderful son, Robin."

Batman grinned sheepishly and wrung his napkin in his hands bashfully. Robin raised his cup, "and to you guys, who put with us all week."

"And to my room!" Beast Boy said, "which I will soon be getting back since Cyborg figured out we have a whole other wing in the tower! It was just blocked off b/c we thought it was the entrance to a junk closet."

"And to this wonderful steak!" Cyborg added.

They slowly turned to Raven expectantly. She narrowed her eyes, first to the left, and then to the right. "What?"

"Give a toast!" Cyborg ordered.

"Um," she drummed her fingers against the tabletop nervously. "To…my new leotards…I guess…"

Everyone cheered and then continued eating. The celebration came to an end around dark, and the titans retreated inside to rest. Cyborg and Beast Boy looked at each other and nodded-it was time. Trying to be discrete, they slinked away from the others and raced to Cyborg's room. Once they were inside and the doors were barricaded, they leaned in closely and began to whisper.

"Okay," Beastboy began to hiss, "first we sneak into his room. You hold him down, and-"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa." Cyborg held his hands up. "We gotta be more careful than that. Batman ain't stupid…you hold 'im down, and I'll get the mask!" He smiled triumphantly.

Beastboy squinted and opened his mouth to say something, but he held his breath when they heard Batman in the next room.

"Man! Am I beat! A full day of reconciliation and grilling steaks can really take the 'super' out of a superhero." The unmistakable sound of empty boots hit the floor. "And this mask makes my face_ so_ hot. Thank goodness I can _finally_ remove it, thus leaving my bare face exposed. It's a good thing I'm all by myself." They heard a zipper unzip and something that sounded like a giant, deflated bounce ball hit the floor; the suit.

Cyborg and Beastboy slowly turned and looked at each other. Cyborg rubbed his chin. "Seems too easy. And a little risky-Hey!"

Beastboy was running out the door. "It's a risk I'm willing to take!" He called over his shoulder.

Cyborg struggled to his feet. "Wait for me!" He chased Beastboy out.

They both ran a few doors down and stopped at the one leading to Batman. Cyborg leaned down and inspected the key pad. "It's not locked."

They both gulped as they pondered the situation. Beastboy took a deep breath and disappeared, well, he actually turned into and amoeba and oozed under the door. He oozed around so he could see Batman, but all he saw was carpet, so he morphed into a fly and noiselessly hovered upward. He looked around and didn't see a bed or anything indicating that Batman would catch them, then remembered that Cyborg was still outside. He quietly transformed into himself and opened the door, signaling for Cyborg to come inside. They both padded noiselessly around, confused about the lack of a bed.

Cyborg walked in a small circle, scratching his head. He bumped into something. He quickly and quietly backed up, and almost screamed.

Beastboy turned around and had to immediately drop to the floor as a goldfish in order to stifle his scream. He sprung back into himself after the initial fright was over. What he and Cyborg saw made them stare.

In the middle of the room was Batman cocooned in a sleeping back, dangling from a rope in the ceiling. Upside-down. Just as a bat would do.

They both stared at each other. Batman's whole body was completely and tightly cocooned in the back, thus covering his face. Cyborg slowly reached forward, despite Beastboy's silent yet desperate protests. Then, in one swift and violent motion, Cyborg tore the bag open and ripped Batman out. Batman let out a surprised wail and crashed on the floor. He slowly sat up, rubbing his head. His unmasked head.

Footsteps were heard quickly moving to the room as the rest of the Titans raced to see what had happed after hearing the commotion. Robin, Starfire, and Raven burst through the door. Starfire switched the light on, and all three of them gasped.

Batman stared in horror at all of them.

They all continued to stare. Finally, one of them spoke up. "He's gorgeous!" Cyborg exclaimed, rubbing his eyes in disbelief. Starfire, with her mouth still agape, turned while continuously glancing back a Batman and ripped Robin's mask off as well. They all gasped again as they stared at Robin. Raven reached out in disbelief and spread her hand across his face.

Cyborg and Beastboy turned back to Batman, who had already accepted the situation and sat calmly staring at the floor. Cyborg turned to Beastboy. "Man, he looks just like Michael Keaton!"

Beastboy shook his head. "No way. Dude, he looks like George Clooney."

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"Do you really have to go?" Starfire asked as she hovered around Batman. He had his suitcases in tow, and the Batmobile sat idling outside. He turned to her, once again in full costume with all the leather squeaking.

"Yes." He looked out the door and into the sky, out at a far out patch with clouds over it. "My city needs me." He looked around at all of the Titans. "Besides, you guys know how it goes. We're the only ones willing to do the dirty work."

They all laughed good naturedly. "Plus," Batman added, "I told Alfred I was going out for coffee…"

Robin looked at Batman uneasily. "Uh, Dad, you came here two weeks ago."

Batman chuckled mindlessly and stared out the front door. "Yah, I did…Dear God, I left him in the meat freezer!"

All of their smiles vanished as Batman grabbed his things and tore out the front door. They all watched as his car zoomed off at top speeds with his cape shut in the door.

"Well," Robin began as he shut the door, "looks like everything is back to normal."

They all simultaneously nodded. "Yep." Raven croaked.

After a few minutes of standing around and staring into space, they all slowly began to retreat to their normal positions. As they were about to get settled, a honk was heard outside, followed by a loud rap on the door. Beastboy ran and peered out the window. "Dude, Cyborg! It's your grandma!"

"Victor, baby! I brought some fried chicken and in the mohnin', we're gonna sing praise!" Her face suddenly appeared in the window. "You're friends can come too. You chirin' need some raisin'! Mmm-hmm."

All of the Titans began to scream and pack their things. "And Garfield, honey-baby, you need a good scrubbin! You got the greens!"

Robin ran to the secret back exit and tore it open. "Titans, Go!" They all zoomed out, leaving Granny Cyborg and the bucket of fried chicken to lecture at the front door.

The End...


End file.
